my life, WHAT A DRAMA !!

So this time i gonna tell you bout my life, its like a drama, my childhood days was just the best i bet, coz i was a cheerfull tomboy lil girl even i made my friends who r boys cried! hehe, remember i was just a lil kid, then maybe God just ordained something bad, when i was 3 y o my bro's friend who was my neighbour fu*ked me n in some other day another guy did it again to me, hmm u know i knew nothing in that age n i acted normally but when later i m in my teens when i understand i m worried so much, but i dont tell anyone about that(well now just my close online friends who isnt in my country too), even i dont tell my parents i m just too shy to tell it and it has been along time ago, well it could be too private but i wanna publish this only in my blog. Then when was in 6th something happened again in my life, i found that my father wasnt well, i meant sick, but sick of.. u know.. like a pschyco, he impeached my mother if she put chemical medicine , poison or something to his foods or coffee, when he s flu he impeached her if she made him flu or another thing like he s stomachache n blah blah, it happened since along time before i was in 6th but that time was a bit more cruel, he was angry, he screamed very loud, did harrash thing, etc to my mom in front of me, n my father is an army anyway so sure he got strong body u know, i was in elementary school i still didnt understand enough, its just like hurt, i was so afraid, i cried, i felt like in a telenovela u know, i aint the telenovela viewer, i am one of the actress n i wish i were the viewer only, i only watch the drama.
Luckily my father wanted to take his medicine again, he was good enough if he took medicine, that time he didnt take medicine. Well my junior high school life was going well, just usual teens, just some puppy love, boys yelled at me, i was quiet girl in 7th grade but just coz of teens things that i see it as usual thing, in the 2nd semester a gang who were popular in the class just like wanna accompany me, they wanted to be friends with me, they felt sorry i was kind but the boys always tricked me haha, so i changed day by day, u know just like a nerdy girl that in a gang now so changed a lot sure u often see it in teens hollywood movie haha, my 8th grade life was much better, it was all bout teens life, hang out wiv BFF, my BFF influenced me to interested in football stuff haha ''go PERSIB!!" a local football club one haha i missed that moments anyway, my father was nice too, he was just like our private driver where ever we wanna hang out! well that time i didnt care bwt my family too much coz i have friends too. in 9th they changed the headmaster n they changed the class, i was still with one friend but another friend, different class , we cried, haha. i found another friends in my new class that quite changed me alot so i was bit naughty girl, n well i graduated with a bit naughty.
My senior high school life..this is more dramas, many conflicts n complicated! 10th grade.. hmm i still acted like childish junior high school at the 1st, i changed my nametag from SARA MARIA FITRISARI to PARIS HILTON! and the name tag PARIS HILTON i changed it from black.white to black.purple, and about the school tag too from SMA 14 BANDUNG to BRITISH INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL, this is just my childish act, i didnt know that ParisHilton was that bad, i only knew she was a singer, that was it, but later i knew she had scandal s*x n i found out she was very bad girl, so i wore the original name n school tag again, but the boys just already noticed that n maybe think bad things about me eerrrr i dont care anyway, this 10th grade really changed me, in that time i still keep contact with junior high classmates n i have a pain on them, when they were busy with their own school n stuffs, a good friend at class was angry with me too, she was the smartest girl in class, i cheated on her, lol, so i have a pain on her too, she s the one who influenced me alot about Japan stuffs, shes such an otaku. i felt like i have no friends anymore, i changed, i was quiet again, i realized i did many mistakes, i was bad girl, i lied to my mom whenever she asked me to pray i prentent pray, but i wasnt, i always did it, maybe God wanna punish me, i felt lonely in this world, n so that was i just found my true identity, i found God, i meant not coz of my family who ask me to pray, but i did it without force, with happily, just live in peace, its like Khalled Hosseini the writer of The Kite Runner find his God , written in the book. But i still had to beat what i did, my school life sucks, i felt like dont have friend, i didnt wanna apologize my bad to her coz i was childish still n i didnt even wanna have friends anymore, i wanted to move, hmm.
Finally 11th, i thought i could make friends, i had decided that i wanted have friends, but not close friends, i didnt wanna have pains anymore. N the boys there just fine coz they i didnt know bwt me, u know about PARIS HILTON things.. i enjoyed went out with family, i never cheat anymore, i did my homeworks, i was more religious, ahh just lived in peace, i was normal girl, this is what i want, hmm such paradise for me at that time. Well the 2nd semester, i think the boys already know bwt that n act like eeww like they say 'WTF??? n i didnt really care , what was on earth i wanna say to them was 'go do what u want, my life is happy with family n God, its just enough' . But i felt like i was a prickly mess, i meant like i borrowed someone's eraser n i lost it, i was very careless, so i didnt wanna close with classmates, i just did everything with my own n day by day i passed was more quiet n more quiet again, hmm without friends were no good, i realized ToT,.
Ahh 12th now, after that i d b graduate! But so many probs! from school problems until family again! i was more outsider in class, seem no one in the class care bwt me! i did wanna have normal friendship with them all but it was just too late! a coquettish gang just made advantage of me, like see my homework, cheat on me, always accompany if they just need me, huh, but i cant deny them, i dunno why, maybe that was the consequence what i did in the past, karma exist, ok just enjoy it then. 2nd semester, i had a classmate, good enough, i told bout my story to her a bit, nice. But i couldnt believe that my father was sick again, his pschyco! he didnt wanna take medicine anymore, so y'all can guess, this was really made me cry, more sad coz this time my bro wasnt with me, he lived in Jakarta, i was alone, that time i understood, i was fucked many problems, i was an outsiders at school and i saw my father kicked, punched, clapped,etc to my mom, my sadness that i couldnt explain with words, it has been a year he returned phshyco again, n almost a year too i watch that harrashments, my hearts often wanna scream out loud. well i prefer being outsider rather than see my faher went pshyco again, whenever it happens i feel like what unthanksfull person I am! my father was better, but u were a bad girl, why not u be nice? why u often lied ur parents? u must respect them, where r u when everything was allright?
This pains of the probs ,, hmm just fucked up, study for the final national exams while i got probs that made me frustated so much, father screamed, father angry with no reason, my friends just took advantes bout me, classmates cheat on me mostly at English class, finally my mom got out of our house for 2 weeks. After his phsyco my father didnt remember what he did, uhmm i was mad on him tho, he just talked bwt sh*t that my mom was impatient wife, not understand her husband etc in my mind " who could be patient if u keep doing harrash thing to ur wife? plz dont be like this anymore!"
In my complicated probs, a junior high classmate asked me to join the business that he n many friends build seriously, yeah its MLM, ppl seem to underistimate this business anyway, its not like MLM that u kno, coz we focus to make ppl success, not much money but bad atittude, but really success, i sold my fav posessive to join the business, the school business is awesome, we had such self development its the most important , not money, ppl think about money, but we think bwt self development, that teach us about 'what u ll do for ur future? just go to school n uni , n u aint really focus study but hang out with friends have fun, spend all ur parents; money? after that graduated in uni, then look for a job that u ll find it difficult to get a job? how if ur parents passed away b4 u get a job? do ur best for ppl that u love plz! ur mom gave birth to u , she even put life on the line. n u just have fun , spend her money? come on u have to put ur life onthe line too for her!' eww this was just awesome, true motivators, i did presentation almost everyday i enjoyed the positive environments too. It has been some monhts maybe, but after i graduated my mom took me to go out too, yeah i should leave the business too maybe, i aint sure i still wanna be in, but.. how if my father found me? Let God tells me what best for me :).
Living without my father is much better, last week my mom n I went back to home n we lived there just 1week, he was still the pshyco, i didnt know my father real character anymore, for me the real father just passed away, my father is nice, not cruel, 1 week we lived there, i felt strange too, i wanna live with my mom only, and now we left him again, i even dont wanna meet him anymore, unless he changes, but still i ll have the strange feelings again i guess. I hope i ll get new peacefull live, n sometime i m worried coz what they did when i was 3 y o, i m worried if my future husband doesnt believe me n think i m a bad girl, u know like paris hilton , someone that i dont like so bad, until now it seems boys always tricked me or something, is it a cursed? i dont know.. i have many trauma with boys, i just need a guy that care about me, n Thanks God coz of u i m a stronger girl compare with in the past, i hope i ll face all my problems, n sure just one thing that i want PEACEFULL.